Before he was Dad

Questions to ask your dad about his childhood

36 questions · free to borrow

Dads are famously bad at volunteering this stuff. Ask how his day was and you get one word. Ask him what his bike looked like in 1974 and he'll talk for ten minutes, and you'll learn more about him than you did in the last three years.

That's the trick. He isn't withholding, he just doesn't think anyone wants to hear it. A specific question is permission.

The hardest part is the first one. Once he knows you're genuinely curious, he'll start bringing you stories you didn't even ask for.

The house he grew up in

Get him to walk you through the front door and the rest follows on its own.

  1. Walk me through your childhood house. What did I see when I came in the front door?
  2. Where did you sleep, and did you have to share the room?
  3. What did dinner look like on a normal weeknight?
  4. What was the one rule in that house that nobody broke?
  5. What did your street look like, and who else lived on it?
  6. What's a smell that takes you straight back to that house?

School

Every dad has one teacher he remembers and one subject he faked his way through.

  1. Who was the teacher who actually got through to you?
  2. What subject did you pretend to understand for an entire year?
  3. How did you get to school every morning?
  4. What was the worst thing you ever got in trouble for at school?
  5. Were you any good at sports, honestly?
  6. What did you want to be when you grew up, at nine years old?

His friends and his trouble

This is where the stories he has never told you are hiding.

  1. Who was your best friend at twelve, and what did you two do all day?
  2. What's something you did as a kid that you never told your parents?
  3. Did you ever get caught doing something you shouldn't have?
  4. What was the dumbest dare you ever took?
  5. Was there a kid on your street everyone was a little scared of?
  6. What did you and your friends do when you were completely broke?

His parents, from his side of the table

You knew them as grandparents. He knew them as the people in charge.

  1. What was your dad like when he came home from work?
  2. What did your mom do that drove you crazy at the time and makes sense now?
  3. What's a phrase one of them said constantly?
  4. Did you ever see them argue, and what did that look like?
  5. What's something one of them taught you that you still do today?
  6. What did they think of the person you were becoming?

What he did for fun

Before screens, kids had entire afternoons to fill and no supervision.

  1. What did you do on a summer day with nothing planned?
  2. What was the first album or band you were obsessed with?
  3. What's the first movie you remember seeing in a theater?
  4. Did you have a bike, and how far were you allowed to ride it?
  5. What was your favorite thing to spend a dollar on?
  6. What show did the whole family sit down and watch together?

The moments that turned

Somewhere in there, the kid started becoming the man you know.

  1. When did you first feel like you weren't a kid anymore?
  2. What's the first big decision you made completely on your own?
  3. Was there a moment your dad treated you like an adult for the first time?
  4. What's something you believed as a kid that you had to unlearn?
  5. What's the proudest you ever made your parents?
  6. If you could spend one more ordinary day back in that house, which day would you pick?

Ask him one of these the next time you talk. He has been waiting decades for someone to bring it up.

Common questions

What should I ask my dad about his childhood?

Start with concrete, physical details: the house, the street, his bike, his school, his friends. Sensory questions are much easier to answer than reflective ones, and they usually lead into the bigger stories on their own.

How do I get my dad to open up?

Ask about a specific object, place, or year rather than about feelings. Most dads who seem closed off are just waiting for a question they know how to answer.

What are good questions to ask your dad if he's quiet?

Try questions with a clear factual answer that carries a story behind it, like what his first car was or how much his first paycheck was. Once he's talking, follow up on the details he lingers on.

Should I record my dad telling these stories?

Yes, and you can do it casually with a voice memo on your phone. Ask first, keep it low-key, and the recording will matter far more later than it feels like it does now.

What if my dad doesn't want to talk about his childhood?

Take the hint on any specific topic he closes down, and come back another day with a lighter question. Consistency does more than pressure, and a small hello every day earns more than one big conversation.

Keep going

Questions to ask your parents

36 questions to ask your parents that actually get a story out of them, sorted by how brave you're feeling. Pick one, ask it today, and see what happens.

Questions to ask your mom about her life

Questions to ask your mom about her life, from who she was at 22 to what she thinks now. Warm, open-ended, and easy to answer out loud in a minute or two.

Questions to Ask Your Grandparents

34 questions to ask your grandparents, from where they grew up to how they met. Open-ended, easy to answer out loud, and worth asking before dessert.

Or let Nuo bring the question.

Nuola picks one each day and turns it into a 90-second voice game and chat with someone you love. You answer, they guess, and then you hear each other.

Start a daily hello